Supporting A Friend Through Her Pregnancy
Being able to support your friends through changes in their lives can be difficult, especially if you have prior knowledge or experience of what they are going through. But if your friend finds out they are pregnant, whether planned or unexpected, supporting them can help your relationship navigate new waters and situations.
So what are the best ways to support your friend through their pregnancy?
Listen to Her
Listening to what someone is saying and really understanding the words, not just paying lip service to their feelings, can be a tremendous support. Finding out you are pregnant and experiencing those first waves of hormone changes can be overwhelming, and it may be that your friend’s feelings change from day to day as she comes to terms with being pregnant.
Support Her
It can be hard to know what to do for the best, especially if you have no experience with pregnancy and babies. But follow their lead and respond to any cues she gives out. Try not to offer unsolicited advice but provide information that can help her with any issues and concerns she is worried about during each stage of the pregnancy. Remember, it is all new for her, too and while it might seem like all she thinks about is the pregnancy, chances are she will be coming to terms with what this means, and the impact is and will continue to have on her.
Be Positive
The last thing your friend needs now is hearing horror stories of pregnancy disasters or complications that your sister, boyfriend’s aunt’s dog went through. It doesn’t help anyone. Instead, help her to see the positive when she can’t and find ways to boost her morale when she feels down or overly worried during the pregnancy.
Be Practical
One of the best ways to help is to offer practical solutions or advice that can help her regardless of her situation. From helping with getting to appointments, shopping for baby items or putting together a baby furniture checklist to know exactly what she needs and can help her with the fun task of buying everything she needs for her new baby.
Offer to go with her for appointments if she would otherwise be alone and share in her enthusiasm when she starts buying and planning as her due date arrives. Helping her figure out how to approach this next part of her life practically is the best kind of help and support you can offer.
Preparing for what happens after the pregnancy is also another type of support you can offer your friend. Her priorities as a new mom will shift, and you should be ready for that too. Apart from raising a kid, she will also have to deal with the changes in her body as it slowly recovers from the pregnancy. You may want to surprise your friend with a postpartum belly wrap as a gift, which has been shown to help posture and alignment and support the uterus as it returns to normal size.
Respect Her Decisions
Parenting for the first time is hard on any new parent. Whether she is in a relationship or going alone, there will be challenges and difficulties as they adapt to their new life. Avoid telling her she is doing something wrong or pointing out that other people do things differently.
If she asks for your input, then be honest without being dismissive or condescending. Share your knowledge or help her to figure things out in a way that works for her. Try to avoid pointing out your feelings on any name choices she might have too. Choosing a baby name is hard and a personal decision, so it helps out with suggestions by all means but avoid sharing negative opinions either way.
A contentious topic is feeding a baby, so supporting your friend’s decision whether she breastfeeds or bottle feeds, chooses attachment parenting styles or wants it to try the cry it out method. Being by her side to support her even if she changes her mind can help her out a lot especially if she feels nervous or insecure about her parenting abilities.
Organise The Fun Stuff
Show her how much you love her by helping to organise all the fun stuff along with being pregnant. Think throwing a baby shower with her closest friends and family and looking at how to make this event special for her. Gender reveal announcements can be fun, too, as can organising an overnight or weekend break away to allow her to relax before the baby arrives.
There are many different small things you can do to be a supportive friend after a pregnancy announcement. The main thing to remember is that this is a potentially life-changing time. Your friend will need your support to get used to what this means for her going forward and your support to let her know you will still be there for her even though the dynamics of your friendship are likely to change once the new baby arrives.
