Sometimes, something just has to give and when life is getting in the way, it’s time to take a step back. Although my blog is an outlet to share everything I love about make up and beauty, it’s also an outlet to talk about the real life stuff. I have been struggling lately, struggling in a way that sometimes I just can’t explain how I’m feeling. Run down and tired, tired from work and tired from life in general. My health isn’t at its optimum right now, and although I can pin point what is going on with my fatigue, rectifying it isn’t as easy. I work full time and when I’m firing on all cylinders, I am blogging my thoughts on a daily basis. My blog is an escape mechanism and I love seeing my posts going live and receiving the reception that they do. But, my life isn’t that perfect blogger led life, in fact it’s far from it. Social media makes it so easy to manipulate the life that people think I lead, and sometimes, just sometimes, it’s hard to keep it up.
My health is my main concern right now, and although things have become easier over the last few weeks, I have been having a tough time with my mental health. With a history of depression and anxiety running through my family, it has been inevitable that things will affect my own mental state, and it has needed to be addressed. Having a good chat with my doctor, she recommended an alternative approach to the medication that would just numb the thoughts and feelings.
I have to take the bull by the horns. I need to realise, in my head, that nothing is as bad as what I think it is. I’ve been quite open about it to my closest friends and family, I’ve even shared my thoughts and feelings on Snapchat for the world to see, but what I haven’t shared is how I am using mindfulness techniques to help combat my issues and bring my mental state to back to how it should be.
It’s a vicious circle when it comes to battling tiredness and fatigue. My B12 deficiency is playing havoc with my body right now. All I want to do is sleep, and I’m forever feeling tired. Nothing can change how tired I’m feeling and of course that causes issues with how I feel. Even though it would just be easier to throw the towel in and fall asleep whenever I’m tired, I have to keep myself awake and use proper relaxation techniques to wind down. Not only does this help with getting quality sleep rather than a stint of 12 hours, it keeps me mindful.
Mindfulness. A term which often gets bandied around, but what does it really mean? Mindfulness is a state in which you are aware of your surroundings, focusing on the present moment whilst acknowledging and accepting your own thoughts and feelings. A therapeutic way to really understand your conscious and to enable you to pinpoint the base of the issues. It’s natural for people to get stressed and feel anxious but when these feelings make you a different person, it’s time to combat them. I cannot pinpoint where the stress comes from, I can’t understand why I get so anxious that it leads me to having panic attacks and I cannot understand why I get into states of feeling so low that I can’t pull myself out of it. To the outside, I am a bubbly person, with a great job and a blog that brings me opportunities that I would never be able to do normally. So, why would I be depressed and anxious? I ask myself this every single day.
There are so many books out there that fall into the category of ‘self help’ but what I really need is to be inspired. I’ve found two books by Dani DiPirro which are designed to help focus on what is really important in life. Living In The Moment and Gratitude are the first two books from DiPirro, which will eventually be part of a full series. DiPirro, a life coach, has been featured on The Happiness Project, Psychology Today and Forbes with her work on the power of positive thinking and helping others live more happily. In each book, a collection of inspirational quotes, bring that power of positive thinking to the forefront of my mind and I read each quote and focus on what is happening in front of me, rather than dwelling on what my mind is constructing. Each day I find a relevant quote and slowly, they have helped make me feel more relaxed, and a lot more balanced. It’s quite amazing how simple mindfulness as a technique is.
From there, I have taken time each day to have an hour where I relax. Soothing music, jotting down notes in my positivity journal and even spending time working on my grown up colouring book have all helped in bringing my sky high thoughts back to the ground where I can work on each thought logically and like an adult.
Mental health is a very touchy subject and what works for one may not work for another. For the three years of having my little corner of the internet, it is a subject that I have never even touched on, mainly due to not wanting to share but also because it seems like such a common issue that it’s almost like it’s taken for granted. This is probably the only time I will talk about it, and hell I may not even publish this post but just talking about it makes me realise that I am strong, and I can do this.