I sit here and write this letter to you because I see you struggling with dealing with things and I want to tell you everything will be ok. I am proud of what you have achieved over the 34 years of your life. You have grabbed the bull by the horns and you have never rested on your laurels. You have taken everything that life has had to throw at you and although you didn’t think that you were dealing with things, you really did.
To my 18 year old self.
Being thrust into adult life and desperate to fit in with those who I thought were superior to you, taught you to be yourself. Although you didn’t know it then, you would grow to flourish in life. You thought you were an outcast; being tall and go forbid fat. If I was as fat as you thought you were back then, I would be a very happy person. You developed skills that you didn’t know you had. Courage and bravery and started on the road to self confidence on not caring what people thought of you. You’d been through some tough times and made some questionable choices but you had fun. You experienced the things that young adults should experience; clubbing all weekend, working hard for a living and starting to become an independent young woman. You didn’t go to University, but you thrived by working and being part of a team with a lot of responsibilities. Of course, going out and partying sometimes took over but you reigned it back and cleared your overdraft. I am proud of you.
To my 22 year old self.
That day when you went home to tell Mum that you were heading off to live in the Balearics was very daunting, but you did something that you needed to do. You needed to be independent and live alone, meeting some amazing people on the way including your best friend Matt. You developed as a person, you became strong after dealing with situations you didn’t think you would have to deal with. You confidently dealt with deaths and serious issues in your career abroad and you did this with integrity and tenacity. You returned home after two years ready to start a new career and ready for what your next challenge would be.
To my 30 year old self.
Over those 8 years, you have made me incredibly proud of your achievements. You started a career that you loved and fulfilled an ambition. You also took it upon yourself to start University and completed a six year part time degree, in three and a half years whilst working full time. You learnt to be self motivated, and even more organised than you already were. You dealt with a break up that unfortunately had a huge impact on your life and although it made things difficult for the future, you used the experience to be more aware and guarded of being hurt in the future. You made a house a home and you made some incredible friends. You started writing a blog because you had a passion and that passion has led to some amazing opportunities in life. You’ve travelled the world and experienced things that you would never have experienced if you didn’t grab the bull by the horns. You also hit some intense lows in your life, but rather than hide it away, you took the first step of admitting it to yourself and taking steps to change things for the better.
To my 34 year old self.
This last twelve months haven’t be easy, but you have dealt with things with aplomb. You have fallen down, but you have dusted yourself off and got back up, no matter how many blows you have been dealt. You’re dealing with some vicious demons in your head and you’re dealing with them in a way that I am proud to be you. Having a poorly family member puts things into perspective that life is too short and you never know what life has to throw at you. Deal with what is going on, and deal with it in your own special way. You can rant, you can avoid it, you can be rational or even be irrational but you have a close network around you who will support you to the very end.
To my future self.
Take chances, live each day as it’s your last, work hard to gain your independence back. Ignore the haters, forget that they need the gossip to get through their pathetic lives. Open new doors, start new challenges, be positive. Trust few, love hard and have a small circle of those who you can rely on. Be passionate, be strong, be you. Continue to say how you feel – if people don’t like it, it’s their problem, not yours. Don’t be afraid. Don’t hide away in bed when you think it’s all too much – put on your big girl pants and show them that you are a force to be reckoned with. Carry on keeping that damn cat alive although he will be the death of you. Keep your friends and family close. Keep your enemies closer. Find new things each day to thrill you. Have a mid life crisis. Get tattooed, get pierced, do something each day that scares you. If you want to dance round the house to Steps on loud, do it. If it makes you happy, do it. Don’t stop doing something for the fear it will offend others. You are amazing. You have achieved more so far than others ever will. Stop worrying about the little things. Deal with each obstacle with poise and grace. Be zealous, be controversial, be yourself. Be you.
It’s very cathartic to speak to you as a younger self, and even more so to my future self. It’s time for a new chapter, and a new door will be opening very soon. I don’t know what it will be, or how you will get there, but you will. You will succeed in all that you do.
Love, Anoushka x